前些天收到一封國外朋友寄給我的英文文章
雖然這份文章是針對婚姻中的感情關係而寫
但是我覺得裡面一些觀念
適用於任何形式的感情當中
所以將他翻譯成中文
和大家分享
也許翻譯的不夠好，還請大家見諒
很喜歡裡面的一句話：
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
在婚姻中，成功的關鍵，不在於是否找到對的人；而是去學會愛眼前您所找到的這個人。
當然在感情中也是如此，不僅只侷限在婚姻裡。
妳找到了對的人了嗎？
還是妳也是像我一樣，在當一個愛情的志工呢？
以下的文章，與妳分享。
This is a very good article. read it.
Those who are still single may learn something from here....
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
這是一篇非常好的文章，建議您閱讀。那些還單身者也許從這裡會學到一些事情....
那些已經結婚者也許能將他視為指南改善您的婚姻關係....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
和我結婚的，是對的人嗎？
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
在我們研討會的期間，一位婦人問了一個共通的問題。
她說：『要怎麼知道我和對的人結婚呢？』
我注意到，有一位體型壯碩的男子坐在她旁邊
於是我如是說：『它有很多的可能性。那是您的丈夫嗎？』她嚴肅的回答：『您怎麼知道？』
Let me answer this question
because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
讓我回答這個問題，因為您會這麼想對您來說是件好事。
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
這是我的答覆。每段戀情都有一個週期性。
一開始時，您與您的伴侶一同陷入愛裡。
您期望他們的來電、渴望他們的碰觸與愛撫、喜歡他們獨特的氣質。
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard.
In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
愛上您的伴侶並非難事。
事實上，一切都是如此完全自然地與自發性的一種體驗。
您並不需要特意的去做什麼。所以它稱之為『陷入』愛裡（戀愛）...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
因為是它發生在您身上。
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet."＊1
Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
人們在談戀愛時，有時會說：『我陷入愛的漩渦裡了。』
試著想想這句話的比喻。
它暗示著，您只是單純的站在那裡；
什麼都沒做，然後某件事到來了，而且就發生在您身上。
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.
It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),
touch is not always welcome (when it happens),
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
陷入愛裡是容易的。這是被動和自發性的一種體驗。
但在歷經一段歲月之後的婚姻關係，愛情的幸福感開始褪色。
這是每段感情都會遇上的自然週期。
慢慢地且肯定地，電話成為一種困擾（如果他們會打來的話啦！），
他對您的愛撫與碰觸已不再是受歡迎的（當然如果它會發生的話），
並且一開始您覺得您伴侶的那份可愛、逗人喜愛的的氣質已不復存在，取而代之的，是讓您抓狂的個性。
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship,
but if you think about your marriage,
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love
and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
這個階段的症狀，隨著每段感情而有著不同的變化，
但如果您回想一下您的這段婚姻，您將注意到一個非常戲劇性的區別，
存在於最初當你們戀愛時的階段，還有那個更是令人覺得乏味甚至惱怒的後半階段。
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking,
"Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had,
you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
這時，您和（或者）您的伴侶也許開始問自己這個問題：
『和我結婚的，是對的人嗎？』
並且因為您和您的伴侶回想起你們曾經相愛時的那種幸福感，
您可能開始渴望與別人一起擁有那份愛的感動。
這是當婚姻亮起紅燈時。人們便開始把他們的不幸怪罪於他們的伴侶身上，
並且開始在他們的婚姻之外找尋滿足感。
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
婚外的滿足感有著不同的形式和大小。
對伴侶的不忠貞是最顯而易見的。
但人們有時將它轉向工作、嗜好、友誼、看過多的電視、或是浪費資源。
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
但面對這種進退兩難的難題，它的答覆卻不在您的婚姻之外。
它存在於你們的婚姻之間。我並不是說，您不能愛上別人。您還是可以。
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.
But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
並且，暫時性地您會感覺好一些。
不過在幾年後，您依舊會遇見相同的情況。因為（仔細地聽好）
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
在婚姻中，成功的關鍵，不在於是否找到對的人；而是去學會愛眼前您所找到的這個人。
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."＊2
持久性的愛不是那種被動或自發性地體驗。
它從來不會主動的發生在您身上。
您無法『找到』 持久的愛。
您必須日復一日的『付出』愛。
所以我們才有『不求回報的愛情志工』這種說法。
Because it takes time, effort, and energy .
And most importantly, it takes WISDOM .
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
因為這需要時間、努力、和能量。
而且最重要地，它需要智慧。
您必須知道您自己應該做些什麼來維繫你們的婚姻。
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse)
to succeed with your marriage.
不要為此犯下錯誤。愛不是神秘的。
有某些事，是您（包含或不包含您的伴侶一起）能做到的，讓您婚姻成功的關鍵。
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws,
the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
正如宇宙中的物理法則（譬如重力），對感情來說，也有一些法則可以追尋。
猶如正確的飲食和運動課程可以讓您的身體更加的強壯，
某些在您情感關係中的習性，將使您的婚姻關係更加堅定。
這是一種直接的因素和作用。
如果您知道如何善加運用這些法則，結果將是可以預期的... 您可以『做』 愛。
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
愛在婚姻裡的確是一種『決定』... 不僅只是一種感覺。
註一："I was swept off my feet."＊1
這句慣用語的英文含意是：If someone sweeps you off your feet, you fall suddenly and
completely in love with them. 亦即忽然且完整的和某人快速的陷入愛裡。
在整段文章裡面，他想要表現的是陷入愛裡的那份被動的感覺。
於是乎我把他翻譯成類似的中文含意：『我陷入愛的漩渦裡了。』因為您是被捲進去的。
註二："the labor of love."＊2
這句慣用語的英文含意是：Productive work performed voluntarily without material
reward or compensation. 也就是對所付出的努力，不求任何物質上的回報與獎勵。
在這句話裡，是指對愛不求回報的付出。但是一般來說也可以泛指所有因為興趣而去做的事情。
有點類似志工和義工的意味存在。
要翻譯成中文的句子有點難，所以我把他譯成：『不求回報的愛情志工』。
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